PET THEORY: Windows 7 = Vista 1.1

THE SCIENTIFIC METHOD goes something like this:
Observe & Measure ALL the FACTS, and from them arrive at The Theory. In simpler terms, make the THEORY fit the FACTS, NOT vice versa. Once a candidate theory has been proposed, TEST and RE-TEST all the facts against that theory, refining said THEORY (not facts) as needed until doubt and inaccuracy is eliminated.

That said, I would invite you to come along with me as we test my pet theory that “Windows 7 is really Vista v1.1″…

FACT: Here’s what Microsoft’s own marketing website says about Windows 7:
1. Desktop
Introducing improved taskbar previews, bigger icons, pinning, and creative ways to personalize.
Score – “Windows 7”: 0 , “Vista 1.1”: 1

2. Home Group
Takes the headache out of home networking, so it’s easier to share files and printers.
Hmmm… pretty straightforward file sharing & printer sharing has been around since XP…
Score – “Windows 7”: 0 , “Vista 1.1”: 2

3. Jump Lists
Speedy access to your favorite pictures, songs, websites, and documents.
Hmmmm… My Documents, My Recent Documents, My has been around for at least 10 YEARS now…
Score – “Windows 7”: 0 , “Vista 1.1”: 3

4. Snap
A quick (and fun) new way to resize and compare windows on your desktop.
Hmm… a DIFFERENT way to RESIZE A !@#$%^&* WINDOW is grounds for calling it a NEW OPERATING SYSTEM? Does that mean if I wear my underwear backwards I can now claim I’m Barack Obama?
Score – “Windows 7”: 0 , “Vista 1.1”: 4

5. Windows Live Essentials
Must-have software for your PC—free! Get Mail, Photo Gallery, and other favorites.
Put bluntly, functionality derived from MORE software does NOT let you claim that YOU are a new OPERATING SYSTEM.
Score – “Windows 7”: 0 , “Vista 1.1”: 5

6. Search
At last, searching your PC is as simple as searching the web.
ARGH – search is NOT new. It’s been around since the mid 90’s (in fact few people realize just how POWERFUL Microsoft’s indexing & search engine has been all these years – they just suffer from shitty press & marketing who didn’t know how to sell it when it really mattered – like 1998). Upshot – there’s NOTHING you can do to search to justify saying you have a new OPERATING SYSTEM.
Score – “Windows 7”: 0 , “Vista 1.1”: 6

7. Performance Improvements
I won’t even deign to respond to this one.
Score – “Windows 7”: 0 , “Vista 1.1”: 7

8. Full 64-bit support
I almost wanted to throw Microsoft a bone, lower my threshold-for-newness, and call this “new”… but my northern Minnesotan Eagle Scout upbringing forced my right pinky to the “<- Backspace” key. I calls ’em as I sees ’em…
Score – “Windows 7”: 0 , “Vista 1.1”: 8

9. Power Management
Now I’m getting angry – someone in Microsoft marketing was REALLY scraping the bottom of the hype barrel to claim that there’s anything resembling “new power-saving features”, and that this permits Microsoft to wave the “New OS” banner high. The only way this “new” OS will “save” power is that people will STOP using their Windows laptops and start fishing more…
Score – “Windows 7”: 0 , “Vista 1.1”: 9

10. Easier Wireless Networking
When has this been HARD? I turn on my laptop in a new WiFi cafe. I double click the Wireless icon (which – oddly – has NEVER looked like it had ANYTHING to do with “wireless”) – look at the list of WAPs broadcasting, select the strongest/safest one, and click “connect”…
Total bullshit marketing from Microsoft – inventing a problem which DOESN’T exist, then trying to sell me an “improvement” when I don’t need one.
Score – “Windows 7”: 0 , “Vista 1.1”: 10

11. Window Media Center
The gilded turd of gilded turds. I never cease to be amazed just how UNintuitive a GUI can be, but each year Microsoft somehow manages to push the Envelope-of-Confusion ever further with this product. I almost composed a terribly clever sentence glibly suggesting that the same pharamaceutical suppliers who worked for Michael Jackson must also supply the vending machines in Redmond’s Windows Media Center wing…but I realized it wasn’t funny.
Score – “Windows 7”: 0 , “Vista 1.1”: 11

12. Windows Touch
You have to buy MORE HARDWARE. That said, how long have touch screens been around?
Score – “Windows 7”: 0 , “Vista 1.1”: 12

Let’s see how my pet theory held up against the FACTS on Windows 7 as provided directly from Microsoft’s own marketing website:
Score – “Windows 7”: 0 , “Vista 1.1”: 12

Now here’s the real irony: I AM going to buy Windows 7 when it comes out. I DO believe that in order for businesses (and mankind in general) to thrive, there MUST be some consistency, even if it’s BAD consistency. I do NOT want Microsoft to go under, and I DO believe that even a behemoth like Microsoft CAN collapse utterly. I CAN be done – look at APPLE if you don’t believe me.

I just hate being LIED to like I’m some kind of !@#$%^&* idiot.

Microsoft – cut the shit. Call it Vista 1.1 and sell. Think of the increase profits you’ll enjoy from NOT having to spend all that marketing money calling shit Shinola.

-MV

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